It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
