he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
