..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
