Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he told me I talked like a deaf person
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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