I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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