I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
