I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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