Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
