The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
