Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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