I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
