3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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