I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You may now shotgun with the bride
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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