so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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