I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
