; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
