i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
