You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
