Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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