So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
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i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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