I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
