Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
