There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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