I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
