i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
