D3 body, D1 cock
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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