I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
