I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
