thus making me awesome and them whores
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to