I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!