Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
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i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
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I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?