Yo dont text me then not text me
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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