Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
