i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
