Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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