I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
