i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
