Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
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Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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