Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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