i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
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I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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