i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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