Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize