watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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