If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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