"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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