I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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