I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize