my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Randomize
