So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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