somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
