Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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