I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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