New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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