I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
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