We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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