i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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