When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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