I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
