Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
