Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
