I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
