I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
