I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
be right there i have to get my cape
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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