i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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